lifelessons

I’ll never forget the first job I turned down. It was the summer of 2004, and it was for a lifeguard position at a local beach—a summer dream job for a high school student who had been working at Tim Hortons. I was so excited when they called me and offered me the position. But the thing about summer jobs is that you kind of have to work the whole summer. Taking a two-week vacation in the middle of the summer usually doesn’t fly, as I learned.

So I had a choice. I could accept the offer for my first lifeguard job, for which I worked hours to achieve the proper certificates, or go on a trip across Western Canada with my dad. My father had been planning this vacation for months—probably years, if I’m being honest—but he still gave me the option to cancel the trip and take the job.

In the end, I decided to turn down the job and go on the trip with my dad. There would be other jobs, and there were, but there may not have been another opportunity quite like this. We drove the Trans Canada Highway across the western provinces, camped in too many parks to name, a highlight being Jasper National Park (where I was petrified we were going to be attacked in the night by cougar—spoiler alert, we weren’t), went on a horseback ride where we tracked Grizzly bears, and stayed in the smallest campground made on earth in Tofino.

It was definitely a trip to remember, and not one I regret. Working as a lifeguard at a beach would have also been a rewarding experience. But I had to make a choice, and at that time in my life, going on a trip with my dad was a priority for me.

Not all priorities in life mean saying no to other opportunities. There are lots of situations where you can, and many people do try to juggle multiple priorities. But eventually, at some point, whether it’s conflicting priorities (like in the case with my summer lifeguard job), too many priorities, or a change in belief or values, there will come a time when you have to accept that certain goals are no longer serving you.

As a writer, I often hear from my writing friends about how they struggle to balance their work priorities. From marketing, newsletters, website design, and social media, to deciding which contests and publishers to submit to, and even just deciding which story idea to work on next, it can be overwhelming to know where to start or if you are ever getting ahead. But I’m sure that’s not just a writer problem. In this fast-paced world, it seems impossible to keep “on the pulse.” I think everyone is struggling to decide what they can and want to fit into their 24-hour schedule.

Are you a fan of to-do lists? I am, but sometimes they stress me out more than they help keep me organized.

Think of your to-do list as a garden. Over time, weeds grow, old plants die back, and things that once seemed important now take up valuable space. The same is true for your to-do tasks. That item that’s been lingering for months, gathering digital dust? It’s likely contributing to your overwhelm and stress.

Here are a few tips that I try when I feel like I have conflicting priorities, or am overwhelmed with the number of projects on my to-do list:

Ruthlessly Rewrite Your To-do List!

Remove anything that has been on your to-do for months or that is no longer important. Be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid to erase it. Liberating that mental space is incredibly freeing.
If the item has been on there for months, but you feel it’s still important. Evaluate why you haven’t completed it. Is it too big of a step? Consider breaking it into a smaller component. Instead of “revamp my website,” maybe start with, “update the Home Page on my website.”

Re-evaluate Your Priorities

In the summer, my priority is usually beach-time 🙂

With a cleaner, more manageable to-do list, another crucial step is to ensure you are working on the right things. Conflicting priorities often arise when you haven’t clearly defined what truly matters most right now.

Take a moment to step back and ask yourself:
- What are my overarching goals? What am I trying to achieve in the short, medium, and long term?
- Which of these tasks directly contributes to those goals? Not all tasks are created equal. Some will have a far greater impact than others.
- What are the most urgent items? Are there any deadlines looming or time-sensitive tasks that need immediate attention?
- What will give me the biggest win right now? Sometimes, tackling a smaller task that yields a quick positive result can boost morale and motivation to tackle bigger things later.
- Don’t just blindly work through your list. Be intentional about where you invest your time and energy.

Tackling 3 Tasks a Day

The “Daily Big Three” concept has really helped me power through my to-do lists without making them feel overwhelming.
Each day, make sure to pick 1-2 shorter tasks (think simple like sending an e-mail or making an important phone call) and one bigger task to even out the workload!

80-20 Rule for Freelancers

Image credit: Lord Belbury, CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

As a freelancer, priorities are a constant struggle. However, as a general rule of thumb, 80% of your income is usually generated through 20% of your customers (but this philosophy, also called the Pareto principle, doesn’t just apply to freelancing). This means you have tons of customers (or projects) that barely bring in any revenue.
So, as a freelancer, once you find your niche, it’s important to start focusing your efforts and prioritize the areas that are really paying off. But don’t completely give up your other projects, especially if they are passions for you!

Going With Your Gut

Credit goes to my brother-in-law for this hat, which comes with one of the Exploding Kittens expansion packs.

Sometimes, I just go with my gut and do what I feel like working on in that moment, and that’s okay, too (unless you have looming deadlines, of course). Guaranteed if you want to do the task, and enjoy doing it, you are going to be more successful.

Like right now, I am supposed to be working on my novel, but randomly, I decided to write this blog post, which I’ve been putting off for way too long. And as a writer or creative, or just someone who wants to feel satisfaction from the task they are completing, sometimes going with the flow is the best way to go.

Take Back Your Time and Sanity

Feeling overwhelmed by conflicting priorities and endless to-do lists is a common struggle, but it doesn’t have to be your default state. By implementing these strategies, decluttering your list, breaking down large tasks, re-evaluating your priorities, and embracing the power of the “Daily Big Three,” and the 80-20 rule, you can begin to conquer the chaos, regain control of your time, and move forward with a greater sense of clarity and accomplishment.

Start small, be consistent, and you’ll be amazed at the difference these simple shifts can make in your productivity and overall well-being. You’ve got this!

Now, I’d love to hear from you! How do you decide which project to tackle next?

2020 and 2021 were rough years, but it was 2022 that broke me. After finishing my isolating mat-leave during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was faced with the harsh reality of giving up both a job and a profession that I loved. One that I was good at. One that I once called my “dream job.” It was in January 2022 that I made the decision to give up on my dreams and reach for the stars instead. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, and the following months were undoubtedly some of the most grueling of my earthly existence thus far.

last picture at the old home — Last picture in our home in Calgary Apr 10, 2022 before the drive cross-country. We were also sick.

That decision snowballed a series of others that were equally hard to accept. I had to make the decision to sell our family home, which we had worked years to purchase, and give up the dream of my daughter growing up in that house. These types of decisions don’t always have to be life-altering. I’ve moved many times, but in this case, it was crushing. It was my dream, and I wasn’t ready to give it up.

To make matters worse, I was also faced with a series of unfortunate events, or a trial period, if you will. For anyone that’s been through hard times, you know. When shit hits you, it hits you all at once. From losing most of our possessions to an erratic moving truck driver to paying the last property owner’s water bill due to incompetent lawyers, I would need a whole novel to detail my crap luck during this period.

Trying to enjoy the sunshine in our new jungle of a yard, and being silly as always. May 11, 2022.

There were a lot of tears. There was a lot of screaming. Despite moving halfway across the country to be closer to family and friends, I still felt lonelier than ever, isolated in my own misery. However, I also have a young daughter that I have to raise, provide for, and set an example for. And if there’s one thing that I can show her, it’s resilience. Resilience in the face of the never-ending onslaught that life throws us. And so, I fought what felt like a literal battle.

Yes, this is how we drove from Calgary to Ontario. No, it is not safe (I do not recommend). But when life throws you too much, you strap everything down and hold on!

I took an approach called, throw it all out there and scream as loud as you can. I want to say it mainly fell on deaf ears, but in the far reaches of the universe, some people did hear my call. Things started to chaotically fall into place. I landed my first freelance writing gig. My first piano students started coming in. The insurance company FINALLY sent me a cheque. Sometimes you need patience, but sometimes you really do need to scream into what feels like the void. And through all this, there are a few things I learned:

Suffering is Part of the Journey

No matter how I’m feeling, my daughter reminds me every day to stop and smell the flowers.

The acceptance of suffering isn’t a new theory, but it’s one I think we need reminding of from time to time. Whether you believe in this from a theological standpoint or philosophical, the same premise remains. To be human is to suffer. Some people suffer more than others due to a variety of factors, and some may choose to avoid suffering as best they can, but we all suffer.

The point is, whether it’s worth suffering for, and how badly you want it. No world-renowned pianist woke up one morning and decided they’d sit down and play La Campanella. There are years of practice, tears, and probably some screaming that went into that performance. Similarly, few mothers struggling with infertility found a magical solution for having children. There are many dreams that we struggle for.

Whatever your real dream job is. Whatever your real passion is. It is absolutely within your reach. It’s just a matter of how much you are willing to suffer for it. Are you willing to give up your home? Live with family? Rent for a few years? Cut back on expenses? Give up time with family? These are only decisions that you can make for yourself, and only you can decide what’s worth suffering for.

Sometimes, You Need to Make New Dreams

Canada Day 2022 – in the jungle of a backyard that will one day be a gardening oasis.

Let’s be honest. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you thought. In fact, I doubt it ever does. From wanting to be a veterinarian to owning a horse farm, it doesn’t look like either of my childhood dreams is coming true, and that’s okay. I haven’t set them as real goals for myself. I haven’t been working towards them. And I most definitely am not suffering to make either of them a reality, so they aren’t that important to me. At least not right now.

In the case of my dream job and dream home, I needed to make new dreams. That part wasn’t hard, but giving up on my old dreams was. When we envision how our life is going to play out, it can be hard to let go of that reality. So, instead, I dove into my passions: music, writing, and gardening. It took time, but once I started finding success in my new dreams and things fell into place, it was easier to accept the loss of my old dreams. In the same way, the snowball of unfortunate events hit me in January 2022, a surprising turnaround snowball of events propelled me forward by July 2022, a mere six months later. Six months, that felt like the longest, hardest years of my life.

Life is Too Short to Play it Safe

This is an Alocasia I rescued July 2022 – it didn’t make it. But since they grow from corms, I didn’t give up.

And this leads to my last life lesson from the year of hell and rebirth. Life is too short to play it safe doing what you’re good at. My best friend and I made a pact when we were in university that we wouldn’t stay in Aquatics our whole lives. This isn’t because Aquatics isn’t an honorable profession – to all my friends still fighting the good fight – I miss you, and I’m still cheering you on. We made the pact, because we both knew we had other dreams and other things we wanted to achieve in life despite our success in the industry.

The same Alocasia, Oct 2022, re-potted in new soil. Sometimes, we need a literal “death”, to regrow stronger.

The world needs people to achieve their best by doing what they are great at. What you “wish you could do.” Not what you’re good at, or even what brings in the money. Sometimes, you have to give up on your dreams to reach for the stars. For the under-represented professions out there, we need more artists, more urban gardeners, and more local artisans. I’ve seen so many of my friends embrace their passions, and I want you to know that I see you, and I’m rooting for you.

The same Alocasia, May 2023. Perhaps the magical mandrake has helped it’s growth 🙂

In April 2022, we took possession of our new home. A home that’s been both a blessing and a curse. It’s hard to believe that so much has happened in a year. It feels like a lifetime, and also a horrible dream. And so, as I stare out the window on this rainy April day in 2023, I’m reminded that sometimes the best things in life come to us in the most unusual ways.

Rachel E. Baird

Fantasy Romance Author

Priority Pile-Up: How to Manage Competing Priorities